On the Joyous Edge: Parenting Today's Children

Family Time in Nature is The Best

Orion, Nichola, Sebastian, Doug and I went camping last weekend in the Sierras. We had such a joyous, magical, fun time together loving each other and the beauty and peacefulness of Mother Earth. Sebastian went non-stop until those moments when exhaustion overtook him. Here is a photo of Bas and me playing Horsie.

Nichola shared an interesting experience with me. The week before going camping, several people were shocked they were taking a toddler camping in the mountains. They cautioned her about all the dangers in nature that could hurt a child so young.

Yet the two times we’ve camped as a family this year, both times Orion has observed, “Isn’t it amazing that we can let Sebastian run around and worry about him less when we’re camping than when we’re at home? Even when the last time was camping in the desert!”

Nature gives us magical moments to awaken to ourselves and what matters most. A few weeks ago my assistant Lisa and her family enjoyed an active, fun camping vacation in Yosemite. She shared she was surprised and delighted how quickly she connected with nature and relaxed shortly after arriving. Then they enjoyed lots of hiking and bike riding as a family. Bliss!

Enjoying the beauty of Mother Earth is one of those precious resources available to us all every moment. Yet because she seems to be always there, it is easy to postpone those precious moments …

Effective parenting advice is available 24/7!

Ever find yourself overwhelmed in the moment and not knowing what to do to respond to your child? If you’re like most parents, when you’re upset, you aren’t thinking clearly. This is when you say and do things you may regret later.

These are the situations when you need some good solid parenting advice and a reminder of the kind of parent you want to be. My new book Joyous Child Joyous Parent is filled with a treasure trove of inspiring, practical guidelines to help you in those times of crisis and on a day-to-day basis.

This Thursday, August 20, I’ll announce my Virtual Book Launch Party, in which I’ll share with you an exciting opportunity to understand and use the Joyous Parenting™ approach more fully when you communicate with your child. Be sure to watch for your invitation!

Want to know how to improve your child’s behavior now?

As a parent, you probably spend more time focusing on your child’s behavior than on your own. Today’s parenting tip reminds you of your true source of power and how to make a positive influence in your child’s life. Read below to discover what you can do now!

What Matters Most This Holiday Season?

Here is my newsletter from November that somehow didn't get posted here in my blog. Even though the holidays are here, it is always good to evaluate and focus on what matters most during this time of year. 

A client recently shared a post from Julie Bogart's blog-"All They Want for Christmas is...You!" She reminds parents how important they are to their children during any time of year, including the holidays.

Here is my article from Joy with Children...

We are quickly coasting into the holidays, a time of year that brings us joy and love and often feelings of stress, overwhelm, disappointment, and frustration. By planning ahead before the holiday rush begins, you and your family can experience the joy of the holidays and less of the stress and pressure.

Many parents and educators get caught up in the rush to accomplish during the holidays. They want everything to be "perfect" based on their beliefs about what the people around them want and what they believe they should be doing. They lose their focus and feel overwhelmed by all the gifts to purchase and events to attend.

Sometimes people accept the chaos and frenzy of the holidays as inevitable and try to get through them the best way you can, as if they are an ordeal to survive. This is not the healthiest or most fun way to experience the holidays.

If you want your holidays to be more joy-filled, the most important thing to ask yourself is, "What matters most to me this holiday season?' The two most important words in this question are the little words "to me." Not what matters most to your child or your parents or your partner or your friends.

Take a moment, right now, and think about this question. What does matter most to you this holiday season? What do you want to experience? If you have a pen and paper handy or your pda, jot down some notes and ideas to answer this question.

If you've taken a few moments to write down your ideas, you've probably come up with some words like these--fun, joy, great loving times with my friends and family, calmness and contentment. Imagine what it would be like to have the kind of holidays you most desire!

When you look at these priorities, you'll discover they are about the emotions you want to have this holiday season. They are how you want to feel and be, not what you want to do or have. Yet so often the holidays are about doing and having. We seem to believe these are the way to create the emotions we desire.

Somewhere in your list of priorities you may have included something about gifts you want to receive and gifts you want to give to others. Once again, if you look deeper, you will see that your desires about gifts are also ways to create the emotions you want for yourself and the people you love.

I find that our emotions are at the heart of what drives us as human beings. They are foundational to who you are, whether you are an adult or a young person. They drive your actions and those of your child, yet people seldom give their emotions much conscious attention.

 

When you don't pay attention to feelings, your own and other's, when you don't nurture your emotional connections with the people you love, this is when the holidays become stressful and not fun. Your lack of attention to emotions leads to hurt feelings, misunderstandings, and disappointment.

My secret for truly joyous holidays is to focus on the emotions you want to experience this holiday season. Then consciously make choices based on what will truly nurture you and your child's emotional wholeness this holiday season. Set your personal boundaries to take good care of youreslf. Here are some questions to guide you.

What feelings do I most want to experience this holiday season?

 

What experiences will nurture my child's and my emotional wholeness this holiday season?

 

How can I lovingly respond to the demands and expectations of others that are not in alignment with what is best for me and my child?

 

Are You Listening to the Heart and Soul of Your Child?

Everyone struggles with how to respond to behavior they experience as difficult in other people. Even though we don't usually think of it, all of our difficulties with behavior are about emotions. They are          about all of the emotions involved--ours and the other person's.

      

In our society, we don't pay much attention to our emotions, and as a result, we can feel pretty lost when situations become emotional. Generally, we are taught to suppress our emotions, especially the "negative" ones, such as anger, sadness, irritation and grief.

      

Many people          believe their emotions get them into trouble. This is often true because          they don't know how to lovingly and wisely handle their own uncomfortable          emotions or someone else's.

      

We like to believe we are rational beings and that our choices and actions are based purely on reason and common sense. Research shows us something else. We make choices based on our emotions and then use our intellect          to find rational reasons to explain why we made the choice we did.

      

Our emotions are at the heart and soul of who we are and what we say and do. They are a powerful force within us that we try to control, rather than listening to them and valuing their importance in our life.

      

We usually          perceive all behavioral difficulties as strictly behavior and fail to          see the emotional connection beneath the surface. You          may believe you need to control and manage your child's behavior when          she acts inappropriately.

      

But what I've seen is when you try to manage your child's behavior without considering what's happening with her emotionally, it seldom works in the long run. It's your child's emotions that drive her behavior and choices. When you learn to "read" and understand what is happening with your child emotionally, then you have the insight to make informed, wise, compassionate choices that support your child's emotional and spiritual well-being.

      

Your child's          emotional stress can also be expressed physically in the lack of well-being in his body. The physical and emotional have a strong connection within all of us. You may even seek a doctor's advice for emotional problems that seem to be physical in nature. Emotional distress can be expressed in many ways in children, including eating problems, nervous habits, illness, and injury due to accidents.

      

The essential key to bring out the best in your child physically and behaviorally is to nurture his emotional and spiritual wholeness. Then he freely expresses his natural desire and ability to relate harmoniously with you. His soul essence shines brightly and he easily shares his magnificent gifts with life.
               
                Love          Joyously!

      

When you          see your child struggling or "misbehaving", take a step          back and consider what is happening with her emotionally. Do not see the problem as only a behavioral or physical concern. Ask yourself, "What might my child be experiencing emotionally right now?

      

You have          within you a natural ability to nurture your child's emotional and spiritual          wholeness. Decide to place your emphasis and focus here with your child and yourself. When you look beneath the surface to the heart and soul of your child, problems disappear and you and your child flourish in wonderful ways you didn't know were possible!

Today's Generation of Children

You may wonder why your child doesn't respond the same way you did as a child. She may be more willful or disrespectful, which causes you to wonder what kind of person she is to act this way. Today's children aren't the way you were when you grew up. Times have changed. Today's children have their own ideas and are more independent. They want things the way they want them and they usually insist on having them now.

Children today can feel like a handful to their parents. These young people are powerful, capable, and internet-ready. They are less willing to do what they are told and have stronger opinions about things. They are also more sensitive to the emotional environment in which they live, which can result in behavior patterns that are frustrating and uncomfortable to themselves and their parents.

What used to be considered good parenting is no longer adequate to raise today's children in our modern world. Children need a new approach from their parents if they are to flourish. They need for you to be stronger, clearer and more sensitive. They need for you to nurture their emotional wholeness so they can flourish and express their brilliant innate potential. In our rapidly changing times, they need a solid, loving, emotionally safe foundation with you.

One of the things I do in my Parenting with Joy Training is guide parents to be more aware of their child's emotional wholeness and to make this a priority. This means making your child's emotional well-being a higher priority than the orderliness of his room, the color of her hair or the clothes she wears, and his grades in school. When your child is emotionally whole, he will much more easily and naturally make wise choices in all of the areas of his life.

Think about it this way. When you feel joyous, confident and fulfilled in life, you do your best work and things go positively and easily. You have a lot more fun. When the opposite is true and you feel unhappy, confused or alone, things don't go well. Everything seems hard, and simply getting up and making your bed can feel like a monumental task.

The same is true for your child. When she is flourishing emotionally, her natural brilliance radiates, and she is loving, creative and able to achieve what she desires. However, when she struggles with unhappiness, her health suffers. Her grades drop, emotional and behavior problems appear, and she is less motivated to participate fully in life.

Love Joyously!

Today's children require a new style of parenting. You need to know how to allow freedom and self-expression while clearly setting limits that empower your child and not limit him. You need to be an insightful, aware guide and facilitator, not a disciplinarian. You need to be the best person you can be in order to be the best parent you can be.

Emotional wholeness is the powerful key that makes it all work. Emotional wholeness means being who you are, listening to yourself and doing what feels best to you. Emotional wholeness gives you and your child a strong sense of personal identity and confidence, the ability to feel deeply and live life with freedom, clarity, focus, joy and love of self and others. When your child is emotionally whole, he wants to get along with you and is emotionally connected with himself and with you.

When you make emotional wholeness a priority, you will notice amazing, wonderful things happen. Your child will express herself in ways you never imagined possible. She will be kinder and more cooperative, more motivated to achieve significant goals, and will make profound observations of discovery about herself and about life. I've had so many delighted clients tell me stories about the surprising new things their child did and said since making emotional wholeness a priority.

When you realize that emotional wholeness is the key to all of your child's future success and happiness, the choice is really a simple one. You probably already know you want your child to be emotionally whole. Now it is a matter of making it a priority for your child and for yourself. Just imagine what a creative, joyous combination that will make!

Have Parenting Be More Fun!

Spring is here! Warmer weather has arrived. It is a time for new beginnings, new life, new ideas. Are you ready to have parenting be more fun, joyous, and delightful?

Recently I saw an article online about parenting. The main point of the article was that parenting is the hardest job you’ll ever do.  Do you sometimes feel this way? Is your child’s well-being worrisome and stressful to you?  Do you feel tired of frequent bickering, conflicts, and power struggles? Do you simply want parenting to be more fun and easy?

Parenting as a challenge and effort has never sounded good to me, and I’m sure this isn’t what you envisioned when you first became a parent. I believe parenting is intended to be fun, joyous, fulfilling, rewarding, loving, and amazing! Are you ready for more joy, magic, and ease in parenting? If yes, then keep reading.

As a child, my parents often talked about how much they enjoyed my brother Larry and me, how much they enjoyed being our parents. Of course, there were times when they didn’t seem to be having fun as parents; but I believe most of the time they enjoyed it.

I think my mom and dad made a choice to have parenting be enjoyable for them. It was a gift to themselves and to us. I know I made a choice to be the best mommie I knew how to be and to love and enjoy my son dearly.

When you became a parent, what choices did you make? Have you continued to be true to your original vision or have you lost your way? Perhaps you have you done what you thought was expected of you without consciously reflecting on what you wanted as a parent? Have you been on automatic, struggle and worry more than you want?

Today is the perfect day to either reaffirm your original choices as a parent or to make some new ones! It’s never too late, no matter your child’s age. I invite you to choose joy, delight, ease, amazement—all the parenting magic you want. This applies for all of you who are teachers also.

Being a successful, effective parent who raises a self-reliant child is definitely a worthwhile goal to aspire to, and I suggest you consider the following ideas.

1. To be truly successful and effective in raising a self-reliant child, it must be fun and nurturing to both you and your child. Without this, your effectiveness diminishes dramatically as does your child’s ability to make wise, self-supporting choices. There is nothing to be gained for you or your child by struggle and hardship.



2. No relationship with anyone is ever 100% free of conflict or challenge. This is a part of being human. By maneuvering skillfully through these uncomfortable times, however, you can create more joy, more love.

Love Joyously!

Here are some easy suggestions of things you can do to make parenting more fun.

1. Find a rut you’re in and get out of it. If some part of your relationship with your child is repetitive and you’re not enjoying it or it’s boring, then try something new.
   A couple of weeks ago, my husband and I rode Destiny and Echo on a trail we had ridden many times previously. This time we decided to ride the trail in reverse. Presto! It suddenly became a brand new trail. Find something like this you can do in your life.



2. Take a risk. Whenever you do something new, it may feel uncomfortable simply because it is new. Do something this week that puts you out of your comfort zone.



3. Find a new, more positive perspective on the routine in your life. When you do something because you “have to”, it takes all the fun out of it. Ask yourself “why” you want to do this. Then inspire yourself, find another way, or don’t do it.



4. Watch and learn from your child how to have fun.This is one area where your child has lots more knowledge than you. Let your child teach you how to have more fun.



5. Learn to set boundaries and reduce conflicts with your child. There is nothing like fighting and arguments to take the fun out of being a parent. To assist you with this, I invite you to take my TeleClass about setting limits this month, and begin to put more fun and magic into your relationship with your child.

Parenting can be one of the most fulfilling experiences of your life. Give this to yourself and to your child today!