On the Joyous Edge: Parenting Today's Children

Preparing Our Children for the World of Tomorrow

Scott McLeod, J.D., Ph.D., Associate Professor and Coordinator of the Educational Administration Program at Iowa State University, co-created the amazingly popular video Did You Know?, which asks the question - How do we best prepare our children for the rapidly changing and expanding world of tomorrow?

In this future world of rapidly evolving technological development and rapidly changing global demographics depicted in the video, our children will live in a profoundly different world than we live in today. What these changes mean to the future of individual children and societies is open to speculation.

There are, however, two general approaches we can take as parents, educators and as a society to guide and empower our children. One is to continue with more determination on the path we are currently on – pushing children to ever-higher standards of memorization, test-taking and compliance  to the demands of the state who determine our educational standards.

The traditional, standards-based approach to learning began during the industrial age when factories needed workers who could accurately follow instructions without thinking for themselves or challenging the status quo. These workers needed to tolerate mindless repetitive tasks without complaint.

The other approach to guiding our children requires an entirely new way of perceiving young people and what they need from us to prepare for the realities of tomorrow. The goal of this alternative approach is to empower our young people to think for themselves and to think out of the box from the way things have always been done.

The demands of the future require innovation. We will need leaders, visionaries, and free thinkers with the ingenuity to respond to the needs of a different world reality, one in which the old rules and ideals no longer apply.

Our young people will need to use their natural human talents of problem-solving, intuition, creativity, curiosity, exploration, the ability to think for themselves in the moment and then to respond powerfully and courageously to realities of their time.

This is not something we can teach them with textbooks or standards-based testing. We can’t even teach them entirely based on what we already know or the information we believe to be true.

We are preparing our children for a future that is so radically different from the present reality that we cannot even imagine what it will be like.

To help them develop these intrinsic skills, we must give them relevant opportunities to actually use these innovative, problem-solving skills in real-life situations during all of their growing up years. We cannot expect a young person to suddenly become creative and innovative upon graduation if he hasn’t continuously used and expanded these skills as he grows up.

One of the best ways to develop these intrinsic skills is through real life experiences in programs, such as San Francisco-based Spark , which creates real world experiences for youth through apprenticeships in the community.

Another option is an unschooling approach found in many home schooling families and democracy-based Sudbury Valley Schools.

Other options that encourage individual freedom, creativity and exploration include Montessori and Reggio Emilio schools.

These approaches also help children develop essential life values including empathy, authenticity, autonomy, personal responsibility and integrity and life skills such as communication, observation, and motivation.

As I ponder this new reality of the future, I recall the lines from The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran:

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of to-morrow,

which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

As individual parents and educators and as a society, we must trust that our children already possess the ability to discover and learn, to think for themselves, and to create new possibilities based upon the unique circumstances of the moment.

Our children profoundly need for us, their parents, educators, and society-leaders, to act with courage to challenge the status quo and to make choices based on what is best for our children now, and not just on what has always been done or is easy.

We must provide meaningful opportunities for their learning, exploration, and growth.The healthy future of our children and our global community depends upon it.

If you haven’t watched the video, do it now. Then go to Scott’s blog at DangerouslyIrrelevent.org and learn more about his ground-breaking work in education.

Grandparenting in Mendocino '09

Doug and I loved taking our 2-year-old grandson on our trip to Mendocino, a lovely, intimate town on the Northern California coast. As always, we stayed at the comfortable Inn at Schoolhouse Creek, a few miles south of town.

We enjoyed our hike up Jughandle Creek Trail to the Pigmy Forest at the summit. We all loved seeing the crazy abundance of mushrooms springing up everywhere. The most we've ever seen.

Sebastian practiced saying, "Mushrooms." Mostly it sounded like "Rooms." And he got really good at recognizing them.

The donkeys are at the Inn.

I hope you enjoy our photos!

 

This is Doug and Sebastian with Maureen, owner of The Inn at Schoolhouse Creek w/ husband Stephen, and their two children, Kayla and Max.

Halloween Fun 2009

Halloween was so much fun this year! Here are some photos for your enjoyment.

Mini-monsters Halloween party

 

Orion, Nichola and Sebastian

My son the Punk Rocker

Doug, Sebastian and Me

Nichola and Orion for an evening out

Family Camping in Sieras '09

Here are some fun family photos from our camping trip last weekend. Enjoy!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Family Time in Nature is The Best

Orion, Nichola, Sebastian, Doug and I went camping last weekend in the Sierras. We had such a joyous, magical, fun time together loving each other and the beauty and peacefulness of Mother Earth. Sebastian went non-stop until those moments when exhaustion overtook him. Here is a photo of Bas and me playing Horsie.

Nichola shared an interesting experience with me. The week before going camping, several people were shocked they were taking a toddler camping in the mountains. They cautioned her about all the dangers in nature that could hurt a child so young.

Yet the two times we’ve camped as a family this year, both times Orion has observed, “Isn’t it amazing that we can let Sebastian run around and worry about him less when we’re camping than when we’re at home? Even when the last time was camping in the desert!”

Nature gives us magical moments to awaken to ourselves and what matters most. A few weeks ago my assistant Lisa and her family enjoyed an active, fun camping vacation in Yosemite. She shared she was surprised and delighted how quickly she connected with nature and relaxed shortly after arriving. Then they enjoyed lots of hiking and bike riding as a family. Bliss!

Enjoying the beauty of Mother Earth is one of those precious resources available to us all every moment. Yet because she seems to be always there, it is easy to postpone those precious moments …

Effective parenting advice is available 24/7!

Ever find yourself overwhelmed in the moment and not knowing what to do to respond to your child? If you’re like most parents, when you’re upset, you aren’t thinking clearly. This is when you say and do things you may regret later.

These are the situations when you need some good solid parenting advice and a reminder of the kind of parent you want to be. My new book Joyous Child Joyous Parent is filled with a treasure trove of inspiring, practical guidelines to help you in those times of crisis and on a day-to-day basis.

This Thursday, August 20, I’ll announce my Virtual Book Launch Party, in which I’ll share with you an exciting opportunity to understand and use the Joyous Parenting™ approach more fully when you communicate with your child. Be sure to watch for your invitation!

Want to know how to improve your child’s behavior now?

As a parent, you probably spend more time focusing on your child’s behavior than on your own. Today’s parenting tip reminds you of your true source of power and how to make a positive influence in your child’s life. Read below to discover what you can do now!

The Price of Violence to our Children

Paul Butler in his book Let’s Get Free: A Hip-Hop Theory of Justice reports the U.S. has 5% of the world’s population and 25% of its prisoners. He adds that a prison opens in the U.S. every week.

He argues the U.S. has gone too far in its “lock ‘em up culture” and that “The freedom we save will be our own.”

Add to this that every state allows juveniles to be tried as adults and more than 20 states allow pre-adolescent children as young as 7 to be tried in adult courts.

These statistics are shocking and deeply troublesome. When children are treated harshly when they are young, whether it is by the justice system, our educational system or their parents, they are more likely to struggle for happiness and success in life and to become increasingly angry, isolated or violent in adulthood.

When children are born, they are extremely sensitive to the emotions of the people around them and to the way they are treated emotionally. They feel our unconscious feelings even when we do not. They are so easily influenced by the adults in their life.

As adults, most of us forget how sensitive we were as children and have unknowingly put up emotional walls between ourselves and those around us to keep us safe emotionally. We’ve learned to put up walls to keep us from feeling those painful, uncomfortable feelings that come with harsh treatment and lack of understanding about our emotional needs.

Every day as parents, educators, and a society, we make choices that either allow our children to feel safe emotionally or we make reactive choices in our words and actions that affect their Emotional Wholeness and well-being for the rest of their life.

This is one of the most important ideas for all of us to deeply understand. What happens in a child’s life emotionally colors and affects the rest of his life. There is simply so way around this.

Healing can happen when difficult environments are changed or children are put in new situations that support their healing. Nonetheless, the more severe the emotional hurting, the more long-lasting the pain and the greater impact in their life.

Children are a high priority to almost everyone in the U.S. and around the world. We care deeply about children. Yet emotional pain is often caused by unconscious behaviors by adults who don’t fully understand the impact of their words and actions in a child’s emotional experience.

When adults react from fear and anger, whether it’s in a child’s home, school, or in our country’s justice system, both children and adults pay a high price. It is essential that we become more conscious and committed to nurturing our children’s Emotional Wholeness if we are to see them be as happy and successful as we all desire.

When children are nurtured emotionally, our world becomes a more harmonious, joyous place for everyone.

What will you do today to emotionally nurture the children in your life?

Modern Potty Talk: What Happened to Intrinsic Motivation?

My rant for today…

I’m looking for a potty chair for my grandson Sebastian who is almost 2. I find the section in the store and am surprised by what I find—brightly colored pink or blue plastic potty chairs with names like Cheer for Me Potty, Royal Princess Stepstool Potty, and Royal Step Potty.

The part that bothers me the most are the talking, interactive ones: Toddlers are rewarded with 5 phrases and 2 sing-along training songs for "contributions."

Everywhere I turn in our modern society I see techniques designed to get children to do what adults what they want them to do. These manipulative techniques include special treats, money, and praise. All are based on external rewards.

One of the quickest way to guide a child away from his / her natural knowing and desire to do well in life (intrinsic motivation) is to use external rewards. Then the child looks outside himself for guidance of right and wrong, what works and doesn’t work as he tries to earn the external reward.

Do you ever look to others for their approval and advice instead of listening to yourself? Pretty much all of us do. This is because we learned this behavior when we were young children.

So many adults wonder who they are and seek out therapists and coaches in order to be able to listen to themselves and to trust themselves. This is not a comfortable or empowered place to be.

Children naturally want to do well in life, to do what big people do. When children struggle with something natural like potty training, it is a problem in the communication and relationship between the parent and the child. It is frankly a parenting problem, not a child problem.

So let’s trust our children a little more to do the right thing, to figure out the right thing, and do away with all our reinforcing techniques that make them pay attention to us than to themselves. We belittle them when we treat them this way.

Children are amazing, brilliant people who are skilled at figuring out life without all the external distractions from adults. Let’s consciously make choices to keep them that way. No more talking potties!

Celebrating my Three Special Guys

Fathers' Day Weekend was also Doug's and my wedding anniversary. Six years! Those of you who have been reading this ezine will remember my photos of that magical day. I posted some photos on my blog (see below) for you more recent subscribers.

Here is a photo of Saturday morning when we celebrated 'the guys' who are so precious in my life. I love these three so much, beyond what words can express. They are the best! I love seeing them enjoy each other.

After breakfast, Doug and I headed up to the Sierras where we saw some beautiful spring wildflowers. We found a beautiful, peaceful spot to camp, hiked, and enjoyed our camp fire every night. I camp home feeling refreshed and relaxed.

We are having such a wonderful response to our next Joyous Parenting Training!

I'm thrilled for the bold, committed moms and dads who signed up for my training that begins later this month. They are all so excited about the training and the powerful new insights, discoveries, and parenting skills they will develop as a result.

It's not too late for you to be a part of this Joyous Parenting Training. This is where I reveal what it really takes-step-by-step--to create a fun, trusting, and joyous relationship with your child. With this training, you'll feel more confident and clear, and your child will flourish by being more cooperative, self-reliant, and happy.

It all begins in two weeks on July 21, 2009. We only have 3 spaces left so you'll need to act quickly to have these amazing results for yourself and your family.

Plus I'm including three valuable bonuses to sweeten the deal when you sign-up now. To reserve your space in this one-of-a-kind training, go here.

Want to Know What It Takes to Create Quality Time with Your Child?

We live in busy times. Moms and Dads find themselves rushing around, trying to complete the tasks on their daily To Do Lists and trying to eek out a little time for themselves each week while taking care of their child. Their daily pace can feel hectic and overwhelming.

Does this sound familiar?

Most parents struggle just to complete the daily tasks, not to mention spend Quality Time with their child. Yet everyone knows that Quality Time (QT) is essential for your child's emotional well-being and development.
I've discovered is there are powerful secrets you can use to guarantee you and your child share QT.

With summer here, it's important to enjoy this time fully and nourish your emotional connection with your child. Read my article below to discover what you can do now!

Expect Parenting to Be Easy

Many parents believe that parenting is a hard job. In fact, many believe it is the hardest job in the world.

What I’ve found is that parenting is a joyous, primarily easy experience filled with amazing experiences and interactions and love with your child. When parents experience parenting as hard, frustrating or stressful, they don’t understand what their child needs emotionally.

Parenting is a natural, easy, joyous process. When you or your child feel unhappy or unfulfilled in your relationship, this is a red flag that something is not working emotionally in your relationship.

Then it is a simple matter of discovering what’s not working, changing your own behavior, and then life becomes easier and more fun for you and your child.

Don't settle for hard or frustrating when parenting can feel so free and joyous and delightful. 

A Touching Ritual

I drive through the crowds of people and parked cars. People drive purposefully, looking for a space to park. Masses of people walking in quiet family clusters toward the viewing spots for fireworks. Children occasionally skipping or talking excitedly.

Everywhere a palpable feeling of connection within the families. A silent, peaceful, almost sacred connection between all people gathered and gathering.

An unspoken respect, trust and regard permeate the air. Parents bringing their children to this once a year ritual, when Americans assemble across the land.

To honor their country. To celebrate their family and the abundance of life. To share with their children the magic of beautiful colors exploding overhead. 

To be the parent they know their child needs them to be.